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Funny Fairy Tales by Ambrose Bierce

The No Case

A STATESMAN who had been indicted by an unfeeling Grand Jury was
arrested by a Sheriff and thrown into jail. As this was abhorrent
to his fine spiritual nature, he sent for the District Attorney and
asked that the case against him be dismissed.

'Upon what grounds?' asked the District Attorney.

'Lack of evidence to convict,' replied the accused.

'Do you happen to have the lack with you?' the official asked. 'I
should like to see it.'

'With pleasure,' said the other; 'here it is.'

So saying he handed the other a check, which the District Attorney
carefully examined, and then pronounced it the most complete
absence of both proof and presumption that he had ever seen. He
said it would acquit the oldest man in the world.


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