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Funny Fairy Tales by Ambrose Bierce

A Fatal Disorder

A DYING Man who had been shot was requested by officers of the law
to make a statement, and be quick about it.

'You were assaulted without provocation, of course,' said the
District Attorney, preparing to set down the answer.

'No,' replied the Dying Man, 'I was the aggressor.'

'Yes, I understand,' said the District Attorney; 'you committed the
aggression - you were compelled to, as it were. You did it in
self-defence.'

'I don't think he would have hurt me if I had let him alone,' said
the other. 'No, I fancy he was a man of peace, and would not have
hurt a fly. I brought such a pressure to bear on him that he
naturally had to yield - he couldn't hold out. If he had refused
to shoot me I don't see how I could decently have continued his
acquaintance.'

'Good Heavens!' exclaimed the District Attorney, throwing down his
note-book and pencil; 'this is all quite irregular. I can't make
use of such an ante-mortem statement as that.'

'I never before knew a man to tell the truth,' said the Chief of
Police, 'when dying of violence.'

'Violence nothing!' the Police Surgeon said, pulling out and
inspecting the man's tongue - 'it is the truth that is killing
him.'


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