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Funny Fairy Tales by Ambrose Bierce

A Call to Quit

SEEING that his audiences were becoming smaller every Sunday, a
Minister of the Gospel broke off in the midst of a sermon,
descended the pulpit stairs, and walked on his hands down the
central aisle of the church. He then remounted his feet, ascended
to the pulpit, and resumed his discourse, making no allusion to the
incident.

'Now,' said he to himself, as he went home, 'I shall have,
henceforth, a large attendance and no snoring.'

But on the following Friday he was waited upon by the Pillars of
the Church, who informed him that in order to be in harmony with
the New Theology and get full advantage of modern methods of Gospel
interpretation they had deemed it advisable to make a change. They
had therefore sent a call to Brother Jowjeetum-Fallal, the World-
Renowned Hindoo Human Pin-Wheel, then holding forth in Hoopitup's
circus. They were happy to say that the reverend gentleman had
been moved by the Spirit to accept the call, and on the ensuing
Sabbath would break the bread of life for the brethren or break his
neck in the attempt.


 
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